Saying No.

At my pre-natal Centering Group yesterday we had a really good, unplanned discussion that came up when talking about post-natal care. I think the midwife thought the convo would mostly being about physically healing after labor but as we started talking about our questions and concerns one of the other moms brought up a subject that is also sitting on my mind. Getting everything done. Balancing it all. Learning how and when to say no to people. She and I are both in executive level positions and there’s no one for us that we can just hand items off to. We will have help but it’s just not possible to expect any one person (or team) to be able to step into our shoes so that we can check out for a bit. So we both know and plan on having to stay on top of emails and projects even right after our babies our born. Now, I know that my office is going to do all that they can to allow me time to learn, experience, and enjoy first learning how to be a mom but I also know that I will be back to responding to emails and calling the office daily as soon as I am home from the hospital (or maybe as soon as I am physically capable). My hope is to truly take 1-2 weeks where I can be somewhat silent but I know that I’ll just be trying to figure out how to do it all, just from home and with an infant with an as yet unidentified personality and needs.

I am awful at saying no. The last several months I’ve been saying, once our last baby shower (this Sunday) is over the rest of the month of October is just ours. We have our 2nd wedding anniversary and the baby is due this month so I just want no plans. Nobody come visit, we’re not going anywhere, etc. So when P asked me if it would be okay if two of his work colleagues/friends from out of town could stay with us next weekend I really, really want to say no. We only have so many weekends left and no I don’t want to have people at our house for the 4th week in a row. But I feel awful saying no. People keep telling me that now is the time to be selfish because there won’t be time after the baby is here but it is so hard. I hope they realize that asking two people on the verge of having their first child on their anniversary weekend to put them up is just not ok (which they probably don’t realize because I doubt P put it that way) and we don’t have to give an answer at all.

I’m hoping that I manage to find a way to balance everything. I know it will be hard and I know that it will be different for me than any other woman because my situation is different and my baby will be different. There has to be a way though. And I’m going to have to get used to saying no and not feeling this heaping guilt because of it.

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